When someone tells you about a kid, a boy, being bullied in elementary school, how do you visualize that young boy? Do you see a kid with little athletic ability, maybe glasses and a large book bag, and socially awkward?
My nephew is ten, handsome, popular in that football-playing kind of way, kindhearted, and funny. As the eldest of seven grandchildren he is revered by his cousins, from my six year old to the six month old. So you can imagine my shock to learn that he has been bullied so badly over the last two weeks that he was developed a noticeable tic in his eyes.
The bullying is vitriolic in its tone and intent: “I am going to kill you,” the bully has told him.
Bullying in American schools has received a lot of attention in the last two years. Of course, it has been going on for as long as anyone remembers. Unfortunately, the days when our parents could wait at the school gate and give the bully a verbal licking are over. Unfortunately.
In sharing our personal stories of being bullied, the conversation often ended with, “Well, he must feel pretty badly about himself of he needs to verbally and physically assault another kid.”
Actually – he doesn’t feel badly about himself at all. A recent study reverses the long-held notion that bullies have low self-esteem, and that they put down others to feel better about themselves. According to an expert on bullying, Dr. Claudio Cerullo, bullies usually have a strong sense of entitlement and superiority over others, and lack compassion, impulse control and social skills.
New Jersey’s recently enacted “Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights” requires officials in every public school in the state to designate an anti-bullying specialist and a safety team to review complaints, file reports to a district anti-bullying coordinator, and investigate allegations of bullying within one school day.
We will see what this week brings. It may bring me to the school gate echoing my Mother’s question, “Where is he?”
